can u get pink eye on your cock?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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