so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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