Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
