can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
