It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
