I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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