she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
