he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
