thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
