Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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