dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
