Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
