I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
