His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My vagina is very pro this idea
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
