Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
