Umm I'm too high to move.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
