No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just found out that she named her cat after me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
