it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
