the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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