Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
