Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
