I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
