the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
