I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just found puke in my bra..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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