Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
