dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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