So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
