we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
