i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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