Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
