Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
