i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
