.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
