That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize