your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
