During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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