Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
