Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
