Define "chronic" masturbator.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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