isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
