oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
