Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Your penis caused this!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
