well I can't set my house on fire every night
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
