Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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