Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
