Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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