It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
