There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
