Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize