I will die if light touches me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
