She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
