One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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