you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
