I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
