In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
