When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
