Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
