That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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