i think my tv is drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
