i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
