I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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