when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
