If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
