Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
