Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
