My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
last night I used snow as a chaser
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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