I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
