so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
