Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
