If i come over, it means nothing
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
