i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
