it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
