We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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