and she was petting her beer can
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
