Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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