Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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