i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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