Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
