Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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