I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize