I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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