no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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