I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
