Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Farmville is her only friend.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
