I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
