Banned from zoo.
Again?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
