Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I know her cup size but not her name....
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
