Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize