if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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