You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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