i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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