why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
