How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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