the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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