I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
