I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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