we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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