you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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