is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
