his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
