There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
