i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
