it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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