Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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