If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
