the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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