She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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