haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
