I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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