My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
