All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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