My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
